what i know now

what I know now
I have to love myself first
I can’t heal without it
I can’t expect it to come
only from someone else
I have find it within myself
I have to be open and honest about
what I’m going through
I have the right to expect that
from others
It’s ok to be scared
it’s ok to be vulnerable
It’s ok to ask for help
It’s ok to stand up for myself
It’s ok to walk away if I need to
all of these are necessary
plus 101 million others

13 days

13 days to live or die

I chose the former,
the universe…
the latter

i do not know
the ferocity
of the fight,
only that it left
unbelievable
scars

it changed me
in ways i cannot
even begin to explain

for better
for worse
i am still here

for yes
for no
i answer your call
i answer your questions

i feel my longing
in the chasm of the night
until
the opaque gray morning
filters in
revealing your empty
side of the bed

i try not to react
to your endless absence,
dressing quickly
i slip into the
misty morning

i scribble your name
into the dew on my car
continually checking
over my shoulder
hoping you’ll catch me…

– glb

it weighs on me

it weighs on me,
one million little pounds,
rake me across the coals
for seven empty minutes…

birthed again,
crashing into the world
literally less
than i was

even after all i’ve said,
and done,
i cry into the night
GIVE ME BACK!!!!

fill me in
PLEASE!!!!
make me whole,
let me stop
the constant search

put your hand on me,
trace my scars,
fill me up
with endless possibilities

shadowed potential
only reveals itself
when stumbling backwards
into my awakening

— glb

my dream of the dream

sometimes in the night
my dream of the dream
is simple,
i want you to be enthralled
with your life
i, in turn, wish for mine to be equally ecstatic…

the dream isn’t specific
about us,
as to whether we’re together,
except at the very end,
when we’re very old…

i take my last breaths
with your hand in mine,
gazing into your beautiful eyes

— glb

in that moment

in that moment
my path was clear

iI was soon to be
moving in a direction
some direction
any direction
my
own
direction

in that moment
i was clear

of anxiousness
of anxiety
of the block
i had been
unable to break

in that moment
i made up my mind

to hurdle the
roadblocks
hampering
my journey

in that moment
i found myself

in that moment
i was free

— glb

my unreality

there’s a buzzing in my brain
there’s a ringing in my ears
there’s a pounding in my chest
someone said your name
i smelled your perfume
i spun around in circles
you weren’t in reach
but you felt so so close

my unreality
rapped me on the knuckles
slapped me across the face
but not hard enough
to bring tears

no,
that single drop on my cheek
came from your absence

–glb