a bipolar life
wake up to the deep midnight
breathing softly exhaling
steams up the window separating
cold and dark from warm and bright
snuggle up and douse the light
turn your face into the pillow
drift off to the place of dreams
wake up to the shimmering
blue with white puffy clouds
dangling lazily, partially glimpsed
with a tossing and turning eye
pillow thrown over head
scratching and grasping for
just a few minutes more
glb /// “wake up”
originally published 01/15/2014
i reach out to the light and the dark of you
prepared for any combination
you bring me flowers and dirt
screaming and whispering your devotion to me
i lap at the compliments
drawing strength from anything you care to leave
bones and seeds
from your past planting the future
words cry out i will end you so you can start anew
in the corner i lay spent as the light from the dawn creeps in
finding a beaten pulp eager for the switch again
it brings feeling where it has not been for endless time
i sway to your calling hoping you will raise your hand to me
and bring me home with you, where i truly belong
glb /// “doomed to repeat it”
originally published 09/09/2018
i hold you angry at arms length
any closer would shatter my will
and any notion i am over you
if i can stand here and grit my teeth
at the very mention of your name
i can summon the will to crush
your memory under my heel
but that’s all in the muted light
of the night sky
wishing it held the brilliance
we did
that’s where the memory lives
close enough
and
far enough
glb /// “if i can”
originally published 01/05/2020
i am not broken…
but i was
and…
i was for a long time
and…
i grieve for all that time
wasted…
in pursuit of nothing
and
everything i was not prepared for,
everything i was not capable of achieving,
instead of fixing myself
i lied to myself
insisting i was whole…
it took a catastrophic event,
which i still don’t understand,
to bring fundamental change
to bring a healing wave,
where i found new things,
true things,
ways of being…
i am not broken…
but i was
and…
because
i have found a new way of living
i have found a new way of relating to the world
i have refused to go back there
glb /// “i am not broken”
originally published 03/16/2018
talk to me of soaring birds being
pulled skyward by whispers of string
flapping wings to pull them higher
bring me butterflies bouncing
around in some sacred, secret, dance
that only makes sense to them
clutch my hand in yours and pull it
close to your lips, your warm moist breath
sending shivers and twitches down to the
base of my spine
hold me firm as I stare deep into your eyes
feel the stutter and jump in the pit of my stomach
I have no wings or strings and I cannot
fly as high as you take me
spare me your siren’s song, i will follow you
to the the towering heights of forever
with the silent gesture of
your arms around my neck and an ever-so-soft kiss
glb /// “talk to me…”
originally published 07/30/2015
bubbles and water droplets
caught by dappled sunlight
through hundred year old
sequoias,
their majesty mutes,
we reach around the trunk,
in silence,
just to see how far we can go,
in awe of something so simple,
whispers and giggles of delight
meet the thick, clinging, fog,
as it uncoils itself from
the ocean and wraps around
all beings in its path,
the trees soar to the roof of
this cathedral, all present
bow heads and give thanks
to mother nature for allowing
this awe inspiring experience
glb /// “sequoias”
originally published 05/12/2014
i want to reach out and catch on to something
red, black, green, blue… anything
that is going by
pulling me with it,
on to places
unknown
full of wonder
birds and lights
music and bright motorcycles
driving headlong into the night
filled with stars and the scent of moon flowers
all disappearing at the sign of first light
returning me to my perch when i will continue
my search for something to catch on to
glb /// “catch on to”
originally published 02/24/2014
i hate waking up to that feeling
deep, deep in the night
the nagging, gnawing
wraith of a thought
that isn’t gone
that the nasty fucker that
i thought i was rid of
is still just hanging around
biding its time
then it will come back
with a vengeance
to finish what it started
it doesn’t happen very often
but sometimes I let
myself wander off
into the farthest
corners of my mind
i discover these little ideas
lying around
those are the things that
nightmares are really
made of
glb /// “sleepless 4”
originally published 04/06/2006
to my bed
to my sleep
to my slumber
that eludes me
my frustration
has returned and
grows with every minute
i toss or turn or read
to hopefully bring it on
the sheep
have been corralled
and no longer make calls
i have turned
to other help
night after night after night
while the sleep
comes in fits
the rest never arrives
i wake to the
mind-splitting glare
that creeps through curtains
here’s where
my desperation
really shows through
where the chinks
in my armor
start to rust and chip away
i expose my reality to the world
glb /// “sleepless 3”
originally published 04/05/2006
i was trying to figure out
how much promethazine
it would take to stop my pain
and i started thinking about
what happens to you when you
have the ability to save someone’s life
and you don’t
you just stand aside and
let everything run its course
as though you never existed
that later in your life
you start to believe
that because you didn’t do something
you somehow have
exempted yourself
from being part of a world
that is allowed to live
as if that was the moment
you decided whether or not
life was worth it
glb /// “sleepless 2”
originally published 04/05/2006
