I crave

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I crave new space,
the ability to unpack
my head,
my heart,
my soul,
into a place
no one has
ever lived

I crave a place
without memories

I crave
boxes full of me
piled in the
middle of the room,
my life’s story
pouring out
to meet
someplace original

I crave
my own noise
my own solitude
my own company
my own first times

— glb

if no one else

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she is the one
if no one else,
she would be able
to bring you back

it has always been her,
from the very beginning
it was obvious,
she was special
and
if no one else,
she would be able
to bring you back
—
through everything
I have been through,
and
you have been through,

a word to know
you have been
paying attention,

in search of sunrise
to soothe a bad day away

if no one else,
she would be

— glb

state of healing

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I am in a constant state of healing
which means
I am in a constant state of learning
what’s good for me
what’s bad for me
who can take me from where I am
to where I need to be
who can help me define
what I need to be

which means
the road ahead will be bumpy
I will need resiliency
I will need loyalty
I will need bravery

which means
I need some healing
some way to sooth me
a place to go when I’m empty
a place that sustains my soul

which means
I need someone that will
challenge me
learn with me
grow with me

— glb

from an old dark place

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pounded into the carpet
sobbing and cringing
i can’t breathe
this is where
i come apart
i am disintegrating
i can’t utter a sound
this is where
i lose everything
i am going away
for a very long time

— glb

what i know now

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what I know now
I have to love myself first
I can’t heal without it
I can’t expect it to come
only from someone else
I have to find it within myself
I have to be open and honest about
what I’m going through
I have the right to expect that
from others
It’s ok to be scared
it’s ok to be vulnerable
It’s ok to ask for help
It’s ok to stand up for myself
It’s ok to walk away if I need to
all of these are necessary
plus 101 million others

— glb

a kiss on the cheek

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hold me now and please
don’t let me go,
i’ve come a long way
this day and all
i want is sleep

but, your eyes are bright
and inquisitive
so i will stay up,
we can talk for a while

put you hand in mine
feel it tremble with our
fingers entwined

i am not as i once was
i am not as expected,
i am as i fully am,
there’s nothing to
hide from you,
i couldn’t do it
if i tried

i have had days
confusing days
that i barely emerged from

i mean to tell you
about them,
explain them to you
from my perspective

my hope is that
in telling you my tale,
you will know something
more about me

if i am successful
you will know where
i come from,
the fires that made me,
and the demons that
still haunt me

give me a kiss
on my cheek
when you are ready
to begin

— glb

13 days

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13 days to live or die

I chose the former,
the universe…
the latter

i do not know
the ferocity
of the fight,
only that it left
unbelievable
scars

it changed me
in ways i cannot
even begin to explain

for better
for worse
i am still here

for yes
for no
i answer your call
i answer your questions

i feel my longing
in the chasm of the night
until
the opaque gray morning
filters in
revealing your empty
side of the bed

i try not to react
to your endless absence,
dressing quickly
i slip into the
misty morning

i scribble your name
into the dew on my car
continually checking
over my shoulder
hoping you’ll catch me…

– glb