leaving the situation, I do blame you for the inability
you showed for giving me any support when I needed
it the most, I was in the hospital for a week and
you wouldn’t return my calls, not even after I got
out…the was one e-mail filled with platitudes and
placation and a veiled indication that you never
wanted to hear from me again, that was really
where we ended and it was you leaving me in
a situation where you could have helped me most
To think, I used to be afraid of the Bipolar diagnosis. I used to think “That could never be me. Anyone with Bipolar has to be seriously messed up.” It took some time, but once I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, it made a lot of things in my past make sense. It also made some treatments make sense. Since the diagnosis, I have been more level than I have been in 10 years. So I embrace having Bipolar Disorder. I wear it like a badge, in support of everyone out there, diagnosed or not. My aim is to be the best example of someone that has Bipolar I can possibly be.
Question: To my fellow bloggers out there, how to you keep track of your blogs so that you avoid repeating yourself… at least word for word?
I ask because I came across a couple of writing prompts that had me going back in my mind trying to figure out if I had written about them.
“What do you wish you could erase from the past?”
“In life, what has been your biggest blessing in disguise?”
Both questions have the same answer. Psychotic Break and preceding Manic/Mixed Episodes. I believe I have already been over why I wish I could erase it from the past, several times.
That time in my life has also been my biggest blessing. I know it sounds impossible that someone could go through all that and actually be thankful for it. That’s the way I look at it the majority of the time. The thing that has been the biggest blessing is the people that I have encountered on my journey. Nurses, doctors, lab techs, counselors, therapists, members of support groups, bloggers, readers, with few exceptions, have all been incredibly helpful, very supportive and some of the friendliest people I have ever met. Those people alone have been some of the biggest blessings. I’ve also found blessings in the writing/blogging I have started to do again. It was the greatest feeling in the world to publish a blog entry and have someone out there respond. The support I get from the blogging community is a giant blessing. There’s one last blessing I have to mention and that’s my family. Having gone through the things I have and relying on them for the greatest support people can give each-other. I have found honesty like I’ve never had before and those truths have made me more in touch with myself than I have ever been. So, it is possible for something to have good and bad consequences all at the same time. I guess I have known it for a while. Putting it out there makes it real. That feels pretty good.
There has been some talk, stopping short of conversation, about the wisdom in writing “Going Sideways” and putting my story out for anyone to read. It mostly centered around the scrutiny I would receive.
Will it taint future endeavors?
Would someone out there be able to use it against me?
Won’t some employer take it as a negative reference and decide not to hire me or even release me from a job I’m currently performing?
The pie-in-the-sky answer to those questions should be NO. Unfortunately, that is not the world we live in. The truth is that there are millions of people out in the world who have no idea what Bipolar Disorder is or have seen enough of the media’s negative portrayal of it to be scared and unwilling to take any kind of chance.
So, the concern I’ve heard batted about is whether or not I’m sabotaging myself. Am I putting myself at a disadvantage before I even get the chance to do whatever?
Maybe I am. I thought a lot about it before I started the blog. I thought about it even more before I opened it up to Facebook, Google+, and Twitter. I thought about whether or not I wanted to be censoring myself. If I didn’t want someone else doing it I certainly wasn’t going to.
My main focus in writing this blog is to talk about who I am and the experiences I have had in my life, with an emphasis on having Bipolar and the effect it has had on me and my life. There is also the hope that someone who is suffering from any kind of mental illness would read my posts, understand that they are not alone and gain something from it.
Several people have told me how proud they are, that it takes balls to do what I’m doing and to keep it up. I am thankful for everyone’s words of support and approval. It gives me the courage and the determination the write the next post.