this night

i have spent this night,
some hours worth,
touching old words
brought new through
the passage of time,
hoping they will be met
as golden gifts
meant to move the mind
and the heart

i have spent this night,
mourning to the point
of exhaustion,
communing with buried
souls, since removed
from my reach,
longing for a soft touch

i have spent this night,
falling in love with the dark,
sobs turned to laughter,
echoing through my
vacancy

i have spent this night,
practicing smiling into the mirror,
wincing at the horrible countenance
staring back at me

glb /// “this night”
originally published 05/26/2019

doomed to repeat it

i reach out to the light and the dark of you
prepared for any combination
you bring me flowers and dirt
screaming and whispering your devotion to me
i lap at the compliments
drawing strength from anything you care to leave
bones and seeds
from your past planting the future
words cry out i will end you so you can start anew
in the corner i lay spent as the light from the dawn creeps in
finding a beaten pulp eager for the switch again
it brings feeling where it has not been for endless time
i sway to your calling hoping you will raise your hand to me
and bring me home with you, where i truly belong

glb /// “doomed to repeat it”
originally published 09/09/2018

talk to me…

talk to me of soaring birds being
pulled skyward by whispers of string
flapping wings to pull them higher

bring me butterflies bouncing
around in some sacred, secret, dance
that only makes sense to them

clutch my hand in yours and pull it
close to your lips, your warm moist breath
sending shivers and twitches down to the
base of my spine

hold me firm as I stare deep into your eyes
feel the stutter and jump in the pit of my stomach
I have no wings or strings and I cannot
fly as high as you take me

spare me your siren’s song, i will follow you
to the the towering heights of forever
with the silent gesture of
your arms around my neck and an ever-so-soft kiss

glb /// “talk to me…”
originally published 07/30/2015

what i know now

what I know now
I have to love myself first
I can’t heal without it
I can’t expect it to come
only from someone else
I have to find it within myself
I have to be open and honest about
what I’m going through
I have the right to expect that
from others
It’s ok to be scared
it’s ok to be vulnerable
It’s ok to ask for help
It’s ok to stand up for myself
It’s ok to walk away if I need to
all of these are necessary
plus 101 million others

glb /// “what i know now”
originally published 03/28/2019

a glint of red

a glint of red moving across my mind,
want to chase it to see what it means,
but i don’t, my curiosity is strapped to
this rock of guilt and restraint, do you
remember what happened last time?

i am stuck in the muck that i exude,
it keeps me here, where i am safe
from things that only i can see or hear

you in your red coat stop by from time
to time, you tell me how busy your life is
without asking about mine, with the assumption
that it is an excuse for why i don’t see you
that often and that my silence is an
endorsement of how small my life is

glb /// “a glint of red”
going-sideways.com original

in the dark

when i fumble around
in the dark
my hands seek you,
my lover
my other
my constant,
no moment can go by
without some form of thanks
that you exist in my world
warm it
brighten it
make it whole,
a quiet spills over me
you are there,
pulling you toward me
the greatest part of longing
is the anticipation,
my love for you blossoms
in these moments,
my hand finds yours
inseparable in the moments
in the dark

glb /// “in the dark”
originally published 03/14/2017

so few words after such a long time

so few words after such a long time
my closest confidant
my brother in
bubble
bubble… you know the rest
road trips and roller-coasters
hot sweaty nights
dropping heavy beats
grabbing at the base of our skulls
we both wanted
and so did she
both
that did not split us
but pulled our beings tighter
we three making promises
with every good intention

time sped up
compressing our souls
torn apart and decimated

silence slowly eroded
like water over stone
after a millineum
we are scatterd
by a harsh wind,
quiet words whispered
into the hot velvet night

your words…… words
wander in
so matter-of-fact
as if you belong here
as if I had kept a space here

after-all we were inseparable

when I come to the edge
of the ravine you once
inhabited
i am disgusted by my choices,
do I fill it in
and run away
leaving that spot for
something else
or
dive headlong into
the abyss
that was created
by two complicated men
with a simple love
for one woman

glb /// “so few words after such a long time”
originally published 01/06/2016

do i want…

i don’t want to love you
“more than you will ever know” or
“beyond your wildest dreams”
i want you to dream it and wake up
and know that it is true

you see,

with you there is no other
“i don’t want”

because ever since that day
you turned to look back at me

man! do i want…

i want to be under an umbrella
at a little café in mons
and watch as the sun replaces
the shadows on your cheek

i want to listen intently
to every word you speak
as if i know i am going deaf
and i want your voice to be
the last sound i hear

i want to get embarrassed together
about something only we know
because the waitress mentioned the
deserts included baklava and cherries jubilee

i want to have a breathless flashback
every time i hear nine inch nails
and imagine you dancing naked
on the foot of the bed

with you there is no
“i don’t want”

because ever since that day
you smiled at me

damn! do i want…

i want to write an opera
about that spot at the
nape of your neck
and how i would spend the rest
of my days there if i could

i want to wake before dawn
and carry you
wrapped in a blanket
to the front porch so we can
watch the dew settle

i want to take your hand in mine
at the age of 95
and recall fondly
the woman that you were
and be thankful for the woman you are

i want to sit in the dark
experiencing that “comfortable silence”
knowing we don’t have to fill
the soundless void
just to be at ease with each other

with you there is no
“i don’t want”

because ever since that day
you became part of my life

god! do i want…

i want to learn the words
to every single one of
your favorite songs
so we can harmonize
in the shower

i want to be lost in the middle of nowhere
for days
and when they find me
i will refuse all food and drink
until i can be with you

i want to be the reason for
the sinfully sexy smirk on your face
the subject of
the remembering roll of your eyes

i don’t want to love you
“more than you will ever know” or
“beyond your wildest dreams”

i want you to dream it and wake up
and know that it is true

because with you there is no
“i don’t want”

and ever since that day
you stopped me in my tracks
i can’t help but want, and want, and want…

glb /// “do i want…”
going-sideways.com original

those words

when you take the time
when you get to slow down
when you open up
when you go back and read
those words
the turn of phrase
the combinations
that capture the magic
the longing for the stars
the sensation brought by
the sparks when we touch
when those words come alive…

glb /// “those words”
originally published 09/02/2019