Tag: Loss

this night

Posted on by Gavin

i have spent this night,
some hours worth,
touching old words
brought new through
the passage of time,
hoping they will be met
as golden gifts
meant to move the mind
and the heart

i have spent this night,
mourning to the point
of exhaustion,
communing with buried
souls, since removed
from my reach,
longing for a soft touch

i have spent this night,
falling in love with the dark,
sobs turned to laughter,
echoing through my
vacancy

i have spent this night,
practicing smiling into the mirror,
wincing at the horrible countenance
staring back at me

glb /// “this night”
originally published 05/26/2019

a conversation of sorts

Posted on by Gavin

i shake my head
with great fury
trying to get
your voice
out of it

no use,
so i raise my chin
and prepare
for whatever
is to come next

i cannot see any
action for all the
faith i have in you
but i still believe

we will come to a point
where what we say
is what we mean
and that will be
a tragedy
when we realize
how little there is
to say
when we finally
arrive at it

glb /// “a conversation of sorts”
originally published 07/27/2014

a glint of red

Posted on by Gavin

a glint of red moving across my mind,
want to chase it to see what it means,
but i don’t, my curiosity is strapped to
this rock of guilt and restraint, do you
remember what happened last time?

i am stuck in the muck that i exude,
it keeps me here, where i am safe
from things that only i can see or hear

you in your red coat stop by from time
to time, you tell me how busy your life is
without asking about mine, with the assumption
that it is an excuse for why i don’t see you
that often and that my silence is an
endorsement of how small my life is

glb /// “a glint of red”
going-sideways.com original

the completed playlist

Posted on by Gavin

i am feeling like the emptiness
of a completed playlist…

the realization that
nothing is coming next,
the silence pervades
and instead of choosing something
else to listen to,
i just sit and pay attention
to the vacancy,
ignoring the force inside me
wanting to immediately
start something up,
to fill the void,
instead, i listen to my heart,
to my breathing,
to my weight in this world,
instead, i notice everything else
and i find contentment
in my inaction,
because, though i haven’t
physically moved,
mountains have traveled
within me

glb /// “the completed playlist”
originally published 01.14.2019

so few words after such a long time

Posted on by Gavin

so few words after such a long time
my closest confidant
my brother in
bubble
bubble… you know the rest
road trips and roller-coasters
hot sweaty nights
dropping heavy beats
grabbing at the base of our skulls
we both wanted
and so did she
both
that did not split us
but pulled our beings tighter
we three making promises
with every good intention

time sped up
compressing our souls
torn apart and decimated

silence slowly eroded
like water over stone
after a millineum
we are scatterd
by a harsh wind,
quiet words whispered
into the hot velvet night

your words…… words
wander in
so matter-of-fact
as if you belong here
as if I had kept a space here

after-all we were inseparable

when I come to the edge
of the ravine you once
inhabited
i am disgusted by my choices,
do I fill it in
and run away
leaving that spot for
something else
or
dive headlong into
the abyss
that was created
by two complicated men
with a simple love
for one woman

glb /// “so few words after such a long time”
originally published 01/06/2016

every morning since…

Posted on by Gavin

there’s a slight bump
i reach out to you
and the bed is empty
warm where you were
with a vague scent of
your perfume

i slumber on your side
i don’t want you to
return to cold sheets
i don’t sleep very
well when you’re
not in bed with me

sunrise is seconds
away and you have
not returned to join
me, where have you
gone?

this happens every
morning since…

glb /// “every morning since…”
originally published 02/09/2014