13 days

13 days to live or die

I chose the former,
the universe…
the latter

i do not know
the ferocity
of the fight,
only that it left
unbelievable
scars

it changed me
in ways i cannot
even begin to explain

for better
for worse
i am still here

for yes
for no
i answer your call
i answer your questions

i feel my longing
in the chasm of the night
until
the opaque gray morning
filters in
revealing your empty
side of the bed

i try not to react
to your endless absence,
dressing quickly
i slip into the
misty morning

i scribble your name
into the dew on my car
continually checking
over my shoulder
hoping you’ll catch me…

– glb

it weighs on me

it weighs on me,
one million little pounds,
rake me across the coals
for seven empty minutes…

birthed again,
crashing into the world
literally less
than i was

even after all i’ve said,
and done,
i cry into the night
GIVE ME BACK!!!!

fill me in
PLEASE!!!!
make me whole,
let me stop
the constant search

put your hand on me,
trace my scars,
fill me up
with endless possibilities

shadowed potential
only reveals itself
when stumbling backwards
into my awakening

— glb

my unreality

there’s a buzzing in my brain
there’s a ringing in my ears
there’s a pounding in my chest
someone said your name
i smelled your perfume
i spun around in circles
you weren’t in reach
but you felt so so close

my unreality
rapped me on the knuckles
slapped me across the face
but not hard enough
to bring tears

no,
that single drop on my cheek
came from your absence

–glb

and

and, the things that were real
don’t seem so much lately
and, when I question that,
I question myself
and, those questions
don’t have answers
I want to hear

and, it all leaves me
laying on the floor
or
motionless on the couch
watching the flame
on the candle flicker

and
recognizing the random
decisionless little fire
and
seeing its twin in my soul
I snuff it out
and
breathe in the smoke,
inhaling the tiny death
knowing the flame
will never be the
same again

–glb

where is it?

where is it?
this ideal
that we talked about
that we swore upon
that we struggled to uphold

it is a broken dream
that only rattles around
hurting our souls

it got caught in
some memories
and choked on
expectations

fantasies of that
pure, bygone love
disintegrated right
in front of our eyes

what are we to do
with our misspent desires?

is there anything
to be salvaged
from our
broken egos
crushed desires
and
demolished hearts?

— glb