13 days

13 days to live or die

I chose the former,
the universe…
the latter

i do not know
the ferocity
of the fight,
only that it left
unbelievable
scars

it changed me
in ways i cannot
even begin to explain

for better
for worse
i am still here

for yes
for no
i answer your call
i answer your questions

i feel my longing
in the chasm of the night
until
the opaque gray morning
filters in
revealing your empty
side of the bed

i try not to react
to your endless absence,
dressing quickly
i slip into the
misty morning

i scribble your name
into the dew on my car
continually checking
over my shoulder
hoping you’ll catch me…

– glb

my unreality

there’s a buzzing in my brain
there’s a ringing in my ears
there’s a pounding in my chest
someone said your name
i smelled your perfume
i spun around in circles
you weren’t in reach
but you felt so so close

my unreality
rapped me on the knuckles
slapped me across the face
but not hard enough
to bring tears

no,
that single drop on my cheek
came from your absence

–glb

and i wait

i put myself into my own hands
i try to lift me up
above the miasma
and can only gather enough
strength to drag myself
through the stench

all the words say
“the only way out is through”
so i bear the rubbish and rust,
ask when it’s going to be my turn,
and count on the constant answer,
“you’re next, just hold on”
and i wait, i wait, wiat, wait
next never comes

i persevere
in love with my odds…

every single person that never tried,
didn’t succeed,
that one isn’t me
“am i next? is it going to be me?”
“yes son, you’re next, just hold on”

and i wait, i wait, wait, w-a-i-t

–glb

distractions

i try so hard to push you
to the back of my mind
where i might not notice you
as much,
where you won’t trip me up,
but every turn,
page or corner,
brings you to the front
where i have to read the words
or see your shape in shadows,
you are in everything,
fleeting glimpse,
lines on the page,
sweet sweet memory of
your taste on my tongue,
perfume on my collar,
distractions…
i can’t get enough of

— glb

you are there

you are there,
I know because
I just told you to
get out…

you are not
there, are you?
there is something,

in my being,
I know you are
there, so get out!

I don’t want you
to see me breaking
like this…

but I am not
there there either,
so how could I
see you there?

I am broken and
I need someone
to pick up the
pieces…

why can’t you
be here?

— GB