and

and, the things that were real
don’t seem so much lately
and, when I question that,
I question myself
and, those questions
don’t have answers
I want to hear

and, it all leaves me
laying on the floor
or
motionless on the couch
watching the flame
on the candle flicker

and
recognizing the random
decisionless little fire
and
seeing its twin in my soul
I snuff it out
and
breathe in the smoke,
inhaling the tiny death
knowing the flame
will never be the
same again

–glb

where is it?

where is it?
this ideal
that we talked about
that we swore upon
that we struggled to uphold

it is a broken dream
that only rattles around
hurting our souls

it got caught in
some memories
and choked on
expectations

fantasies of that
pure, bygone love
disintegrated right
in front of our eyes

what are we to do
with our misspent desires?

is there anything
to be salvaged
from our
broken egos
crushed desires
and
demolished hearts?

— glb

how do words hurt?

how do words hurt?
is “this” a dagger? No…
even unsheathed it draws no blood

other
words are just the same
on the page they are merely marks
smudges really
easily wiped away
crumpled up and discarded

but…

when words are wielded to do harm
retarded
infirm
mentally ill

jump off the page
with a slash of
the pen
the roar of
the voice
draw them with intent
a word from such heights
causes irreparable damage

do not only choose your words
wisely
choose your ways as well

— GB

Maybe Later

I took some cold medicine this afternoon and I slept for about four or five hours.  For the last hour or so I was hearing a song.  When I woke up, I started trying to figure out why this song? Why now?  I think it has something to do with the forgiveness issues I’ve been dealing with.  Maybe it’s the whole song, maybe it’s just the chorus.  I’m not sure yet.  Don’t mean to be so wishy-washy but it’s a subject that is very important to me.  Here’s:

“Maybe Later”
by Lowen & Navarro

It doesn’t hurt me any less
When I think “we did our best”
Cos though the wounds will heal
The scars won’t go away
I guess the truth will sink in slowly
But I don’t want to hear it right now

Maybe later I’ll believe
We were never meant to be
Maybe later we’ll say
It’s all for the better
And if I ever see you again
I just might be stronger by then
But God I don’t know when
Maybe later

All of the points I tried to make
Turned out to be my worst mistakes
Still keeping score
Even when the game was over
And I suppose someday I’ll learn
But I don’t want to do it right now

Maybe later I’ll believe
We were never meant to be
Maybe later we’ll say
It’s all for the better
And if I ever see you again
I just might be stronger by then
But God I don’t know when
Maybe later