state of healing

i am in a constant state of healing
which means
i am in a constant state of learning
what’s good for me
what’s bad for me
who can take me from where i am
to where i need to be
who can help me define 
what i need to be

which means
the road ahead will be bumpy
i will need resilience
i will need loyalty
i will need bravery

which means
i need some healing
some way to sooth me
a place to go when i’m empty
a place that sustains my soul

which means
i need someone that will
challenge me
learn with me
grow with me

glb /// “state of healing”

if i can

i hold you angry at arms length
any closer would shatter my will
and any notion i am over you

if i can stand here and grit my teeth
at the very mention of your name
i can summon the will to crush
your memory under my heel

but that’s all in the muted light
of the night sky
wishing it held the brilliance
we did

that’s where the memory lives
close enough
far enough

glb /// “if i can”
originally published 01/05/2020

what i know now

what I know now
I have to love myself first
I can’t heal without it
I can’t expect it to come
only from someone else
I have to find it within myself
I have to be open and honest about
what I’m going through
I have the right to expect that
from others
It’s ok to be scared
it’s ok to be vulnerable
It’s ok to ask for help
It’s ok to stand up for myself
It’s ok to walk away if I need to
all of these are necessary
plus 101 million others

glb /// “what i know now”
originally published 03/28/2019