lessened

who has the space to carry other people’s choices
i have them violently spinning around my head
in opposition to my own private gyroscope
i perceive them as more important
i let them push their way in and as mine go crashing out
i am diminished, even as i am trying to convince myself
that i am somehow more because i am allowing myself
to  be lessened

glb /// “lessened”

a conversation of sorts

i shake my head
with great fury
trying to get
your voice
out of it

no use,
so i raise my chin
and prepare
for whatever
is to come next

i cannot see any
action for all the
faith i have in you
but i still believe

we will come to a point
where what we say
is what we mean
and that will be
a tragedy
when we realize
how little there is
to say
when we finally
arrive at it

glb /// “a conversation of sorts”
originally published 07/27/2014

a glint of red

a glint of red moving across my mind,
want to chase it to see what it means,
but i don’t, my curiosity is strapped to
this rock of guilt and restraint, do you
remember what happened last time?

i am stuck in the muck that i exude,
it keeps me here, where i am safe
from things that only i can see or hear

you in your red coat stop by from time
to time, you tell me how busy your life is
without asking about mine, with the assumption
that it is an excuse for why i don’t see you
that often and that my silence is an
endorsement of how small my life is

glb /// “a glint of red”
going-sideways.com original

the same way

it’s the same way
most of the time
then, not…
and i can’t find
the spots to make it
the same way again

constancy keeps me
centered,
in the moment,
ready
then it doesn’t

when it happens
everything i touch
is in question
right or wrong
caring or indifferent
this is the way
my cookie crumbles

time
time and solitude
may be the only antidote

glb /// “the same way”
going-sideways.com original

actual

when the beam of sunlight
cracks my eyelid
i immediately search for you,
you are my path to morning

there’s a ghost of you
floating before my eyes
reaching out
i come away wanting

i am in love with
the ephemeral you
and i am longing for
the flesh and blood

i am craving something
actual to touch
and hold

glb /// “actual”
originally published 08/25/2018

shake me

take hold and shake me
shake me has hard as you can
until I am foaming at the mouth
shake me until my eyes roll back
and my body goes limp
please please don’t relent
shake me until there doesn’t
appear to be any life left in me
then just a little more
shake me until I am no longer
in love with her

glb /// “shake me”
originally published 01/20/2014

when is later

we assumed that
what we needed
was what we had,
we built ourselves
from our familiarities

it was so easy
we knew each other
we knew what were doing

so many years
gone by,

without a scratch?

but we knew there were other,
things

things brushed over
things talked around
things set aside,
until later,

when is later?

glb /// “when is later?”
originally published 12/01/2017