two of us

i wanted that life,
two of us being and doing
two of us things
that roller-coaster
has only two seats, side by side
there’s a reason it’s called
a love-seat
snuggled together watching
a terrible movie
but as it worked itself out
that life ended before it
ever got the chance to begin…
i still do two of us things
hoping to catch the smallest glimpse
of how it might have been
trying to prove to myself
there is two of us room
in my solitary world
glb /// “two of us”

gone from me

i was mad at you
for not being her,
that was unfair
i couldn’t split myself
in two, to be with
both of you
when my shaking hand
turns out the light
i long for a dream
to bring me
the right answer
but there is nothing
and nothing
because she is gone
from this world
and you are
gone from me
glb /// “gone from me”

audience of ghosts

closed doors pull me behind
to whisper nothing sweet on
the pillow where we talk
and yell and lie about our
truths and the consequences

why do we go there when we
know that it all leads back to
bed, where our shrieks turn
into cries of passion, can’t
we skip the agony and go
straight to the euphoria

there is no progress without
pain, that is the truth when
it comes to us, the more
abuse you subject me to,
the more I am driven to
be judged deserving of your
affection, so we go on stage
every night to perform this
great drama before an
audience of ghosts bringing
accolades only you can hear

glb /// “audience of ghosts”
originally published 02/15/2014

at the end

at the end there was no energy
to love any more
there was just you and
there was just me and
we were all we could be
one for the other
moving headlong
toward the inevitable

glb /// “at the end”
originally published 05/02/2014

untitled #121

what do we do when
change goes the wrong way
and we cannot go back
to the place that once was

the door is shut
to the wants we used to want
we can no longer touch
the haves we used to have

moving forward
on broken desires
causes pains we never had
in places we never knew

in the essence of this experience
something new overtakes
something old we still crave
quickly enough to question
the existence of the past

only when acceptance
gives way to indulgence
does the knowledge of the past

glb /// “untitled #121”
originally published 12/04/2013

like an end

i struggle to capture
your stars
your sparks
the essence of you
that makes
my heart pound
my mind spin
my mouth dry
my hands tremble

something that came so easily
seems nearly impossible

this feels more
like an end
than anything
i have ever felt
i do not know
what to do with it

glb /// “like an end”
originally published 03/31/2019