i am not broken

i am not broken…
but i was
and…
i was for a long time
and…
i grieve for all that time
wasted…
in pursuit of nothing
and
everything i was not prepared for,
everything i was not capable of achieving,
instead of fixing myself
i lied to myself
insisting i was whole…

it took a catastrophic event,
which i still don’t understand,
to bring fundamental change
to bring a healing wave,
where i found new things,
true things,
ways of being…

i am not broken…
but i was
and…
because
i have found a new way of living
i have found a new way of relating to the world
i have refused to go back there

glb /// “i am not broken”
originally published 03/16/2018

you first

going down in waves
each crest reveals forever
so does each valley
how can victory
and defeat
look so similar

change for the sake of it
holds all the merit
of accepting stasis
make the change matter
at least to you
always you first 

glb /// “you first”
originally published 12/29/2018