a bipolar life
the string around my little finger
reminds me that it is possible to fix me
reminds me that i should not try to fix you
i tie it every night before i go to sleep
every morning, it is gone
i can’t find a trace of you
except in the pinkish, purplish
imprint where the string should be
glb /// “the string”
i am not broken…
but i was
and…
i was for a long time
and…
i grieve for all that time
wasted…
in pursuit of nothing
and
everything i was not prepared for,
everything i was not capable of achieving,
instead of fixing myself
i lied to myself
insisting i was whole…
it took a catastrophic event,
which i still don’t understand,
to bring fundamental change
to bring a healing wave,
where i found new things,
true things,
ways of being…
i am not broken…
but i was
and…
because
i have found a new way of living
i have found a new way of relating to the world
i have refused to go back there
glb /// “i am not broken”
originally published 03/16/2018
the winds of this rainbow
surround me with varied
colors falling to the ground
i didn’t want this to break
like that
nothing beautiful should be
sacrificed to the hands of
our dysfunction
rainbows can be rebuilt
you just need the right
amounts of water and light
what we had will not be
as easy
i don’t know what amounts
of anything will be able
to set us right
glb /// “the rainbow of our dysfunction”
originally published 03/25/2014
going sideways 