a bipolar life
who has the space to carry other people’s choices
i have them violently spinning around my head
in opposition to my own private gyroscope
i perceive them as more important
i let them push their way in and as mine go crashing out
i am diminished, even as i am trying to convince myself
that i am somehow more because i am allowing myself
to be lessened
glb /// “lessened”
i don’t want to be lucky
i don’t want the big prizes
the silly balloons falling
or even the gigantic check
instead i want anonymity
to be overlooked
a number five on the chart
medium in the world of extar-large
i would rather go about my day
move along, “nothing to see here”
feel happy, but just happy enough
i can
pay my bills on time
have a little left over “for me”
once a week take a cab instead of the bus
so don’t expect much
you get what you see
i’m ordinary wrapped
in a plain brown bag
i’ll just sit here on the couch
watching re-runs of csi
waiting for my 11 o’clock
bed time
there’s nothing remarkable about
the things that i do
the music i like
the books that i read
me
glb /// “bipolar dream”
i wanted that life,
two of us being and doing
two of us things
that roller-coaster
has only two seats, side by side
there’s a reason it’s called
a love-seat
snuggled together watching
a terrible movie
but as it worked itself out
that life ended before it
ever got the chance to begin…
i still do two of us things
hoping to catch the smallest glimpse
of how it might have been
trying to prove to myself
there is two of us room
in my solitary world
glb /// “two of us”
light in my closed eyes feels red
brings words pushing through my lips
yelling at the light to stop shining
i can’t get you off of my taste buds
you enchant the word with your every move
abracadabra i wanna reach out and
spin you around until stardust flies
out of your eyes and onto my table
where i can write your name then
puff it away to fly out to the universe
where the sun will never stop shining
and your radiance will never stop
making my closed eyes feel red
glb /// “closed eyes”
i bleed my feelings up and
down this street, they don’t
splash or stain or run down
the gutter, they are all internal,
weighing heavy on my heart,
where your hands and tears
make it nearly impossible
to take a breath, you have to
come back, it’s your job to
rein me in, to clean me up
and turn me back into the
one you love
glb /// “i bleed feelings”
i was mad at you
for not being her,
that was unfair
i couldn’t split myself
in two, to be with
both of you
when my shaking hand
turns out the light
i long for a dream
to bring me
the right answer
but there is nothing
right
and nothing
wrong
because she is gone
from this world
and you are
gone from me
glb /// “gone from me”
ghosts of memories
creep into my brain
disrupting turning
wheels, inviting
other wraiths of
remembrance
to invade my
consciousness,
going nowhere
against my walls
too high to scale
too thick to breach
not a crack to slither
through
ghost of memories
challenge my mind
asking of their
existence, shall
they remain ghosts
or may the become
reality, affecting
more minds than mine
memories of ghosts
that used to haunt
my mind, come
crashing in on me
for another time around,
serving as a reminder
of things that went before
ghosts and memories
co-mingle, obscuring
all that is and used to be,
questions sought,
inquiries unanswered,
from the fog,
neither wrong, nor right
my mind welcomes the
blank night, quiet now
answering none,
the ghosts and memories
satisfied that their work
is done, and done well,
there are no more
queries this night
glb /// “ghosts of memories”
the string around my little finger
reminds me that it is possible to fix me
reminds me that i should not try to fix you
i tie it every night before i go to sleep
every morning, it is gone
i can’t find a trace of you
except in the pinkish, purplish
imprint where the string should be
glb /// “the string”
i should know you
there is a room
inside my heart
kept open for you
i should know you
there is a room
inside my heart
that you do not
occupy
glb /// “i should know you”
hanging on to something i do not need
slashes my palms
tears at my fingers
destroys my ability to put you behind me,
i am drawn,
though i am quartered,
every ounce of me
reaching out for you,
praying for some respite,
hoping for something from you
to ease my suffering
glb /// “quartered”
