from an old dark place

pounded into the carpet
sobbing and cringing
i can’t breathe
this is where
i come apart
i am disintegrating
i can’t utter a sound
this is where
i lose everything
i am going away
for a very long time

— glb

a kiss on the cheek

hold me now and please
don’t let me go,
i’ve come a long way
this day and all
i want is sleep

but, your eyes are bright
and inquisitive
so i will stay up,
we can talk for a while

put you hand in mine
feel it tremble with our
fingers entwined

i am not as i once was
i am not as expected,
i am as i fully am,
there’s nothing to
hide from you,
i couldn’t do it
if i tried

i have had days
confusing days
that i barely emerged from

i mean to tell you
about them,
explain them to you
from my perspective

my hope is that
in telling you my tale,
you will know something
more about me

if i am successful
you will know where
i come from,
the fires that made me,
and the demons that
still haunt me

give me a kiss
on my cheek
when you are ready
to begin

— glb

The Plunge

Late at night
When I’ve done everything I can,
Everything I can…

I make friends
With my…

Whatever you want to call them

We come to agreements
We make promises
We swear that
Things will be
ALL BETTER
When the sun
Comes ’round again

AND I BELIEVE IT!!!!
every time

In fact,
It doesn’t even wait until dawn

The plunge is painful,
Long and shameful,
I am surprised every time
At how much I loose
How much I cover up
For the sake of living
A “normal” existence

When I think
It has come to
It’s shaky end
When the random attacks
On my psyche
Have stopped…

Only then do I dare
To sit back and wheeze
Through stunted breaths,
How thankful I am
To be alive,
No matter how
Monumental the task
May have been

— GLB

I don’t know

I wish I could always have an answer to the question:

Why?

It scares me through and through
Not to know the reason
For doing something one way one day
Then doing it differently another

It feels like there is a disconnect
A piece of me that doesn’t run right all the time
When the question is put forth
I fail and resort to the sad little answer

I don’t know

— GLB

on my own

other things are going around my head
other than stress
other than depression
other than mania
other than earth shattering solitude

you are in there with me
you are breaking up all my patterns
you are turning on lights that I thought were broken
you are holding my hand and leading me through the debris
you are showing me the power I have within

you disintegrate
I realize that you were never here
I have done all of this on my own

— GB

the constant state

isn’t this what happens when all
the big banging around is done
isn’t this the recovery
isn’t this the constant state

we go through hours or weeks
or months of something,
when we are “through”
we start the recovery process
that lasts until the next
something happens
then…

isn’t this the recovery
isn’t this the constant state

— GB