some words for me

i know it’s hard, your demons make it worse
i know you don’t want to get out of bed each morning
i know you just want to crawl back in if you get the chance
i know it hurts in your bones, in your soul
i know your heart hurts most of all…

i also know that, in a while, it won’t be as hard
if you keep that going, you’ll look forward to the day ahead and the bed won’t be as enticing
in a little while the hurt will just be a shadow,
your heart will heal more every time you are victorious over your demons
your thoughts will shift
your mind will crave less

it won’t ever go away, but
it won’t control you
it won’t be as hard

… glb

17 Years

It has been 17 years
My God
I remember the anguish
It is still in my bones
During the last weeks
I came in off visiting hours
So we could have
Quiet time without interruption
I cherish those times
Lightly holding your hand
Gazing into your eyes
They would close when you took
  Your mini-naps
I recall how angry I was
  When you to told me your decision
You were a fighter for so long
How could you just give up…
But it wasn’t for me to understand
It was for me to accept
It is for me to tell people about you
  About the woman you were
  About how amazing you were
  About how brave you were
  About how you cared for me up to the end
Time goes by
I am always grateful that you
Were in my life
— GLB

The Same Way

It’s the same way
Most of the time
Then I’m not
And I can’t find
The spots to make it
The same way again

Constancy keeps me
Centered,
In the moment,
Ready
Then it doesn’t

When it happens
Everything I touch
Is in question
Right or wrong
Caring or indifferent
This is the way
My cookie crumbles

Time
Time and solitude
May be the only antidote

— GLB

Something Missing

It has taken a lifetime from me
No end to tears when I discover
Something missing
With no way to bring it back

Afraid of how it will progress
I search for a way
To keep the memories I have
Hidden from the horrible monster

I have no way of knowing
What will get gobbled up next
Something old
Something new

All eventually passing into oblivion
The time between now and
Eventually is the only promise I can accept
What I have for now brings solace

— GLB

Survive?

When the copper stops buzzing in your brain
And the sweat pours down your neck
I will be there to hold you when the spasm begins

The application of pain is the antidote
70 times now…
It’s hard to tell where the victory lies
The strange attractors have done their damage

Tolerance raises the bar for the next
A number drawn at a random tells you how long,
How deep you’ll have to reach to survive

Down deep enveloped in gloom
Cast by the only bulb in the cavernous hall
You prepare to put on your show,
Daring to expose all in attendance
As patrons of the darkest art of all

You mime kindness
Whisper intimacy
Talk of hope
Shriek out love

The cacophony deafens
Voices drawn tight
Refusing to admit
That the one thing they have in common…
(Humanity)
Is the hardest thing
To achieve

— GLB