that time

an ostrich, with my head in the sand
terrified and shaking
“what if they find out…”
“what if anyone finds out…”
it’s not as if i hadn’t made it known
at least a few times,
it’s not as if i made it
a great big secret,
anyone can look if they want to,
anyone can poison
the waters against me

laid open and exposed
i suffer tiny deaths
any time i encounter someone
for the first time,
“what do they know?”
“how do they know?”
“can they just see it in me?”

i am terrified to turn that corner,
pull out that chair, open that door
“is this going to be that time?”
i don’t want to find myself
cowering in the corner
sobbing uncontrollably
because this one little “secret”
has been used against me

— glb

when i want to quit

when i want to quit
i sit
i imagine
taking your face in my hands
and staring into those eyes,
locked in a forever gaze
my hands are trembling
you lean in
i feel your lips on my ear
you softly whisper
“relax, let the world
come to you”
i sigh and pull back
to look at your wonderful face
kissing you lightly
on the dimple made
by that amazing smile

— glb

if no one else

she is the one
if no one else,
she would be able
to bring you back

it has always been her,
from the very beginning
it was obvious,
she was special
and
if no one else,
she would be able
to bring you back

through everything
I have been through,
and
you have been through,

a word to know
you have been
paying attention,

in search of sunrise
to soothe a bad day away

if no one else,
she would be

— glb

from an old dark place

pounded into the carpet
sobbing and cringing
i can’t breathe
this is where
i come apart
i am disintegrating
i can’t utter a sound
this is where
i lose everything
i am going away
for a very long time

— glb

what i know now

what I know now
I have to love myself first
I can’t heal without it
I can’t expect it to come
only from someone else
I have to find it within myself
I have to be open and honest about
what I’m going through
I have the right to expect that
from others
It’s ok to be scared
it’s ok to be vulnerable
It’s ok to ask for help
It’s ok to stand up for myself
It’s ok to walk away if I need to
all of these are necessary
plus 101 million others

— glb