13 days

13 days to live or die

I chose the former,
the universe…
the latter

i do not know
the ferocity
of the fight,
only that it left
unbelievable
scars

it changed me
in ways i cannot
even begin to explain

for better
for worse
i am still here

for yes
for no
i answer your call
i answer your questions

i feel my longing
in the chasm of the night
until
the opaque gray morning
filters in
revealing your empty
side of the bed

i try not to react
to your endless absence,
dressing quickly
i slip into the
misty morning

i scribble your name
into the dew on my car
continually checking
over my shoulder
hoping you’ll catch me…

– glb

in that moment

in that moment
my path was clear

iI was soon to be
moving in a direction
some direction
any direction
my
own
direction

in that moment
i was clear

of anxiousness
of anxiety
of the block
i had been
unable to break

in that moment
i made up my mind

to hurdle the
roadblocks
hampering
my journey

in that moment
i found myself

in that moment
i was free

— glb

my unreality

there’s a buzzing in my brain
there’s a ringing in my ears
there’s a pounding in my chest
someone said your name
i smelled your perfume
i spun around in circles
you weren’t in reach
but you felt so so close

my unreality
rapped me on the knuckles
slapped me across the face
but not hard enough
to bring tears

no,
that single drop on my cheek
came from your absence

–glb

and i wait

i put myself into my own hands
i try to lift me up
above the miasma
and can only gather enough
strength to drag myself
through the stench

all the words say
“the only way out is through”
so i bear the rubbish and rust,
ask when it’s going to be my turn,
and count on the constant answer,
“you’re next, just hold on”
and i wait, i wait, wiat, wait
next never comes

i persevere
in love with my odds…

every single person that never tried,
didn’t succeed,
that one isn’t me
“am i next? is it going to be me?”
“yes son, you’re next, just hold on”

and i wait, i wait, wait, w-a-i-t

–glb

where is it?

where is it?
this ideal
that we talked about
that we swore upon
that we struggled to uphold

it is a broken dream
that only rattles around
hurting our souls

it got caught in
some memories
and choked on
expectations

fantasies of that
pure, bygone love
disintegrated right
in front of our eyes

what are we to do
with our misspent desires?

is there anything
to be salvaged
from our
broken egos
crushed desires
and
demolished hearts?

— glb