if only…

i wage a silent internal battle
there is so much more
pulling me down on the inside
than there has ever been out there
though my exterior demons
always take the blame

when my face is screwed up
and i cannot speak
through the sobs i am
throwing at the night

when i believe everything
is coming to a
savage, bleeding end

i lie to a perfect stranger
to prove to myself
that i have some control
over something
if only for a fleeting moment

it is the same lie i tell myself
time and time and
time again
everything is going to be fine
if only…

glb /// “if only…”
going-sideways.com original

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