recurring dishevelment

there it is
i woke up

which world am i awake in?

panic consumes at light speed
i don’t know when i am

what is that electric wave i’m feeling?
it’s the thrill of waking up beside you

my hand can’t find you
my lips go unkissed…

there it is
i woke up

which when is this?

these worlds are occurring
on different planes

thrown together inside
my disheveled mind

my dishevelment knows no bounds
it repeats in my world
layer by layer,

things have their places
but nothing fits

it all just ends up where it lands
no matter how hard I try
to put everything right

there it is
i woke up
to my recurring dishevelment

— glb

i am missing you

i am missing you
and your coffee-caramel-sea salt kisses
waking me on Sunday mornings

i am missing you
and tonight is especially
bad for no good reason

i am missing you
because things are happening
and i just want to be with you

i am missing you
I want to share everything
with you, I want you

— glb

Crush

Every time I hear this song I think it means something else
Tonight I’m feeling distant from everything
The house is empty, the sky is empty and my mind is roiling
Then this song comes on and I identify with a feeling, I think…
Instead of emptiness, I am feeling an immense heaviness
The exquisite Crush
The ecstatic Crush
The Crush I pray to feel for life

This is:

Crush
by David John Matthews

Crazy how it feels tonight
Crazy how you make it all alright love
You crush me with the things you do
I do for you anything too
Sitting, smoking, feeling high
In this moment it feels so right

Lovely lady
I am at your feet
God I want you so badly
I wonder this
Could tomorrow be
So wondrous as you there sleeping
Let’s go drive ’til morning comes

Watch the sunrise
To fill our souls up
Drink some wine ’til we get drunk
It’s crazy I’m thinking
Just knowing that the world is round

Here I’m dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
Is this real or am I dreaming

Lovely lady
Let me drink you please
I won’t spill a drop, I promise you
Lying under this spell you cast on me

Each moment
The more I love you
Crush me
Come on
It’s crazy I’m thinking

Just knowing that the world is round
Here I’m dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
Is it real or am I dreaming
Lovely lady I will treat you sweetly

Adore you
I mean
You crush me
It’s times like these
When my faith I feel
And I know
How I love you
Come on
Lady

It’s crazy I’m thinking
Just as long as you’re around
And here I’ll be dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
To each other we’ll be facing
By love we’ll beat back the pain

We’ve found
You know
I mean to tell you all the things I’ve been thinking deep inside
My friend
With each moment the more I love you
Crush me
Come on
Lady

So much you have given love
That I would give you back
Again and again
Meaning I’ll hold you
And please
Let me always

the completed playlist…

I am feeling like the emptiness
of a completed playlist…

the realization that
nothing is coming next,
the silence pervades
and instead of choosing something
else to listen to,
I just sit and pay attention
to the vacancy,
ignoring the force inside me
wanting to immediately
start something up,
to fill the void,
instead,
I listen to my heart,
to my breathing,
to my weight in this world,
instead,
I notice everything else
and I find contentment
in my inaction,
because, though I haven’t
physically moved,
mountains have traveled
within me

— glb