I’ve forgotten what you look like
But every once in a while
I’ll catch a glimpse of your eyes
In a passing reflection
Your lips, your nose
All things I can trace back to you
I just can’t put them together
I can’t make them be you
Then I panic, I panic, I panic

I take a deep breath
Choke back tears and hold
The sobs down in my throat
Where I am wracked by the
Realization that I will never
See you again…and that….
Is going to have to be OK


March 17th

For the past few weeks I have trying to find a “flavor” of Linux to load onto the netbook that hasn’t seen use in over two years. I needed something light and stable that will run on next to no resources so I can take that to school instead of the 7.5 pound workstation of a laptop. I must have gone through 10 different versions, loading some of them numerous times. Well, yesterday was the big day. I took it to school instead of the big one and it worked out alright. It’s not as capable as the other one. It’s graphics performance leaves a lot to be desired and the screen is so small. Still, I have what I was looking for. Something I can do e-mail on, do light web-surfing, maybe a little writing or a little homework. Well this is it… and it didn’t cost me a thing, except some time and frustration.

The past few weeks have been tough on me. In addition to messing with the netbook and trying to get through school, I’ve been dealing with some other things that I’d rather not bring up now because they’d make this post a lot longer than it already is. OK, let me just say that I’ve been thinking a lot about my own mortality. Maybe I’ve been thinking about it too much, maybe it has just gotten me so distracted that I haven’t been able to do the things I need to be doing. Then there was yesterday (March 17th) which is the day I was cancer free. 12 years ago. I’m not going to start talking about what’s right and what’s wrong. I could whittle that branch down until there was nothing and this year I’m going to ignore all the other things that went on that day.

It was a beautiful day, the sky was clear, the sun shone down on my face and for a few moments everything was perfect. I sincerely hope you get to have a few moments like that sometime soon.