it metastasized to your lungs
more chemo, more radiation

it metastasized to your bones
more wasting, more weight shed

you looked sullen, you looked drawn
you looked resigned to your fate

treatments go on
seemingly without end

I imagined you were fighting
I imagined you were giving everything you had

it metastasized to your pancreas
nothings more to hang my hopes on

you gave up
I think I am starting to understand that

you metastasized to me

— GB

An Old Pain

It is after one and
The lights are low
Even the crickets and
The frogs have
Gone to sleep

There’s a book on
The pillow
Begging me to
Crack its spine
So I can get lost
In it
For a while

But I can’t turn away
These thoughts of you
Haunt me in little ways
Almost every night

I let you in
To preserve you
In my heart and my head

It would be worse if I
Ever lost any part of you
So I endure these
Repeated points of pain

I wrap my arms around me
Pretending you are in
My embrace
A quiet tear slips down
My cheek
Remembering you are not
Actually here

It is just an old pain I
Choose to inflict
Upon myself

— GB

Take them as you get them

There is no way I can say the right thing
There is no way I can know what that is
I have not uttered a single syllable
Since you drew the line of silence
In the shards of our broken… whatever it was

The eloquence is hauntingly absent
The elocution decidedly mute
The look on your face says you expect me to speak
If you would just give me a subject, maybe
I could force myself to form the words
So we can move past this detent

When those words finally cross my tongue
I am powerless to keep them from your ears
Take them as you get them and carry on

— GB

A Waste of Something

I went down to the shore
To see if the crashing waves
Would provide an undercurrent
Of hope

I walked into the breakers
Waiting for the undertow
To take me and wash me out
To see a different perspective
On life

It can not have come to this
Searching for a complex grain
Of something in the multitude
Drops of the mighty ocean

I would surely drown before
Finding what I am looking for
And that would certainly be
A waste of something

— GB

I am failing

Shuddering in my skull
Stuttering of my tongue
Words break on the way out
I try to convey meaning
With my eyes instead

I am failing

I am falling
Down a shaft of pure
When I hit bottom
All I can think is

Straight into the sun
So I will burn up and
Not have to face this
Ringing in my brain
This realization that
I have not come as
Far as I had thought

I can not trust myself

— GB