I’ve spent my day trying to find a song that adequately describes the days I’ve been having.  I have a lot of music and I’ve gone through Pop, Funk, Punk, Rock, Country, Metal, Reggae, Classical, Trance, Chill-Out, GOA, House, there are even more choices but that list could go on for a while.  I have the time but I wouldn’t want to bore anyone.  I guess my point is that I’m not coming up with anything and that is an oddity because I always have at least one song clattering around inside my head.  As scattered as my mind has been over the past week,  it’s no wonder I can’t get anything to stick.  Still, I feel the need to have some type of soundtrack going to accompany me on my journey.

I just had a pretty concrete thought.  For the past couple of years I haven’t been very good with uncertainty.  I like to know what’s happening and I like to have things I can count on.  My life doesn’t necessarily need to be routine, but I need to know that if something goes wrong I’ll be able to work the contingency plan I have in place.  Here’s the thought, my psych-doc is going on travel for the next five weeks and he’s a big part of my plan.  Now, I’m to the point that I only see him every three months so five weeks isn’t a big deal as far as routine treatment is concerned.  The problem is what happens if I should have a problem.  As much as I would like to avoid ECT, I have shown that I respond well to it.  It has pulled me out of psychotic episodes twice.  My doc is the only one for at least 120 miles that performs ECT treatments.

So, what I need to do is just live as I have learned to live;  take my medications, see my therapist, go to the NAMI Peer Support Meetings.  And remember to breathe…

Don’t force it, the song will come when it’s time.