The book I’m reading, “Brain on Fire” by Susannah Cahalan, (yes I’m still reading it but I’ve been busy writing and…..nevermind) tells a very intriguing story. I’m not going to give anything away here in case anyone want to read it. There is, however a very interesting quote I’d like to talk about here.
“The mind is like a circuit of Christmas tree lights. When the brain works well, all of the lights twinkle brilliantly, and it’s adaptable enough that, often, even if one bulb goes out, the rest will still shine on. But depending on where the damage is, sometimes one blown bulb can make the whole strand go dark.”
I know I have felt just this way on more than one occasion.
After I had the big psychotic break, I felt as if not only had a whole strand go, but like the whole tree went out. I am still trying to piece together what happened there. It’s something I will probably never know completely.
I know what happened to cause my second break and some of the events that took place during the break are known to me. This one wasn’t a total outage. My Doc slipped me in for an Emergency ECT which rebooted my system and allowed for all the lights to come twinkling back.
The third and final (most recent as far as I know) psychotic break lasted for a matter of hours (my family and I call it a mini-break). My mother found me talking to my father, only my father was 3000 miles away. Again, this situation was treated with an Emergency ECT. In this case, the majority of the lights were still twinkling, but we chose the reboot, just in case the outage was more widespread than previously thought.
I have been very lucky in that I have only had two psychotic breaks that have required hospitalization. So, for the most part, my lights have remained twinkling. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel as if I’ve blown the occasional bulb or ten, at least I have people around me that would notice something like that.
Now come on, the holiday season is over. Put those lights back in the box and store them away for next year.