bpnurse started me thinking with her recent post Stinkin’ Thinkin’
I’ve only had my official Bipolar diagnosis for a short period of time and I already accept the fact that nothing is permanent when it comes to how Bipolar affects me. I think maybe that knowledge drives me a little crazy some times. It makes me vigilant, to a fault. I track everything. There’s no playing fast and loose with meds, sleep, meals, etc. As much as I talk about going out and experiencing life, my big excursions amount to a trip to my NAMI Support Group once a week, my therapy appointment every other week and well, that’s about it. I make those things sound like big deals because that is what they are to me. Could I handle doing more than that? I don’t know. Today, my Mom asked me to come up with a list of places I’d like to visit if we should drive to California in June for a family reunion. My first reaction (which I didn’t voice) was that I didn’t think I was interested in going. That’s when I decided to give this thing, my ease with which I could approach something like a trip across country, a harder look. It really doesn’t make any sense. We drove from California to here back in May of 2012. I’m a lot further along today than I was then. So what is different now? I think it comes down to what I was talking about before. I’m hyper-vigilant. What would happen if I had an episode while we were out on the road? Where would I find treatment? It should not happen, I know, I’ve been pretty level for a long time. But what if?