What To Do Now

I lied about some things while I was having a manic episode which turned into a psychotic break.  Those lies pushed people out of my life.  People that I cared a great deal for.  There is noting I can do now that would bring them back.  I have to be sounding like a broken record now.  I’ve already talked about this, I should have gotten this behind me.  I should have moved on with my life.  They have moved on with theirs.  Without so much as a “goodbye” or “hope you get better”, not even “I never want to see or talk to you again”.  That would have hurt, but not as much as this has.  For the past month I have been going around and around, struggling with how to gain closure, how to give forgiveness…to them as well as to myself.  And I can see that I am not any closer now than I was then.  What do I have to do to get myself out of this ridiculous cycle I’m in?  What can I do to at least forgive myself.  I feel like, if I can do that, the other things will come sooner or later.  At least I won’t be beating myself up about it.  I know I have written, on numerous occasions, entries in this Blog that talk about how to do this (in one way or another).  Despite that I keep falling, I am failing to take my own advice, my own lesson, and put it to use.  I’m not sure what to do now.

One thought on “What To Do Now

  1. Pingback: talscrazylife

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