About a week ago, I started a blog to get some of my old writing out*. I wanted to make these pieces accessible. I was hoping that dusting them off and reading through them once again would somehow jump-start my creative process. In doing so, I came up with more insight into my life to go along side what I have already written here.
On March 4, 2003, I was diagnosed with Malignant Melanoma. The tumor was located on my back, right between my shoulder blades. In the ensuing weeks I had several surgeries, ultimately resulting in the removal of a large tumor and the determination that no lymph nodes were involved. After the final surgery, I was told that I was cancer free. I would not need to undergo any further treatment. No chemo or radiation therapy would be necessary.
A few months after these events I found myself in a deep…..funk is what I’ll call it. This is when I believe the depression started. I decided (with the help of my friends and family) to seek some professional help. I visited a psychiatrist, he prescribed some medication, and away I went. All was good.
But…..all was not good, my mood seemed to be fine whenever I was at work or out with friends. When I was alone, was a different story. I commonly found myself in a deep dark place when I spent any appreciable time by myself. The easiest way to see this is to look at my writing from that time. Actually, that’s not the best thing, because my writing has been that way for a long time. In fact, I first sought help from a mental health professional in 1996, though I abandoned it after a few months of therapy. That is also when dark prose began.
I wrote pretty regularly until 2009. There are several, now defunct, blogs as well as a personal writing website that I maintained off and on for almost 10 years. Not everything was dark, though large portions were.
In 2009 I had a major psychotic incident. I spent time in the hospital on several different occasions. I stopped working. I stopped writing.
Now, it’s 2013, and I want to start writing again. I know there are going to be some dark areas….I have a lot pent up in there. Before I can get to any of that or anything else for that matter, I have to actually start. That is where I’m stuck. I seem to be blocked.
*Please send me an e-mail if you would like to read the other blog (mentioned above): firstname.lastname@example.org